Life

Nov 12 was the last time Matt and I talked... the 21st was the last time he messaged me... I was sleeping.

Its been a month since we talked. And he is no longer using his own computer, someone else is, that cant even tell me what is going on bc he doesnt even know Matt.

So really I just sit here and don't even know what he is doing or what has happened. I should be pissed bc he did break 3 promises; helping with my research paper, seeing me when he was home on Thanksgiving and being me a shirt, and writing me back if I sent him a letter.

Why am I so worried about an ass??

Its been a good 13 days since I posted... really nothing major is happening. I never have any time to do anything. I still don't have an internship... and I can not wait for the semester to be over.

That is all.

( Teardrops On My Guitar )

After Blake was being a dumb boy, I was pissed and upset, but Matt came on and without even telling him that I was upset, he kinda knew and was being all dumb funny and made me laugh and forget about Blake. How do you tell a guy how you feel when you know nothing good could come from him knowing?? Yet, how does he not already know??

I'm so freaking deticated to working in sports that I just agreed to TWO volunteering things and am still working on getting my internship... actually MAlker is working on that. I'm just putting together a file of my writing samples to send to Tennis Canada.

I am volunteering on the Event Board for Pickering Soccer Club and at events for Total Hockey... plus I am still working at Roots. So... good bye life...

Matt and I talked... things are fixed... we webcamed and nothing happened, we jsut chatted on msn but the webcam was on so we could see each other.

*sigh* At least we're still talking, its different but I think in time we'll be fine.

So... today I finally told Peej that I was still talking to a Dodger. She hates them all. And I told her all about Matt saying I was pretty and everything else that he has done/said that neither Jess nor I know how to handle. And I said about how sweet he is and that he wishes me good night every night we talk and everything... there is so much stuff that I don't know how to take. But am talking it has he's just a nice guy. Which he is. He's a really nice guy.

Peej told me to stop talking to him, I said that he had a gf and we were just friends, and she said that it wouldn't be just friends for long and that I'll end up getting hurt.

I kept telling her I wouldn't. But I know I will.

He said he'd stay in tonight since my plans cancelled and that we'd pull an alnighter and talk all night and webcam and shit and drink some beer.

And he's gone. And it's only 941pm.

So dont remember if I talked about Matt, the dodger pitcher... but yeah when he's at school him adn his gf and just "seeing" each other... weird i know...

So I got him to use Skype adn we webcamed for a little bit, he doesnt really know what he's doing and then it closed and he sent me this on msn... it made me blush....

"i dont think u have ever like seen u face to face before ...... urr pretty!!"

he he he

This is the boy that I loved and then was hurt that he had a gf.

First off I need to just laugh at myself. Okay so last thrusday night I went with three of the girls to this bar party which sucked ass so being the only one that has gone to On the Rocks, I took them, I was the DD for the night. We're sitting at this table, kinda off to the corner and these guys come over and sit with us and we talk pretty much all night, to the point were we are all now facebook friends and Bryan and I wish we exchanged #, but Friday morning he left for school, thats right I meet this great ass guy that says to me "Where have you been all my life??" and the next day he is gone for school. This was last last Thursday, as it a week ago. So we've talked most days, I wish I could see him.

So Friday, as in this Friday that just passed I went to Lindsay with my bff Jess (hi Jess!!) to visit her boyfriend Dan, who is like a brother. He lives with 8 (i think) other guys and one girl. So we get there and he's telling me a bit about Patrick, and Jess told me a bit about AJ... so here si how the night goes.... sitting in the living room AJ leaves with his friends, Patrick hangs with us all night and misses his party to go the bar with us. He offers me his bed so I dont have to sleep on the floor in Dan's room. I get it. And he was going to sleep on the floor but me thinking I'm not that drunk tell him he can share the bed with me, it was his. And yeah we made out all night sooooo.... its not going anywhere because I dont really have the time to deal with a distance thing.... yeah I'm sober now... so.... I'll share his bed again if the chance comes up.

Here I laugh again... Blake keeps texting me and I want to tell Matt but I dont know if I want Matt to know.... Matt has a gf and is in New York but we still talk about almost everything.

Bryan the dude from the bar... I'd like to trysomething with him but like I said do I have the time to try and start something that will be distance until May?? Oh fuck. Friday took my mind off dealing with things... random boys are fun. Thats my thought for the day... bye

Claire - Two things, remember you need to go on MSN!!! And also if you have the song stronger by kanye west please send it to me!!!

1. Where do you see yourself in 10 years?
Hopefully -- working in Public Relations in the USA or Ireland.
Reality -- in my mom's basement

2. Favorite way to waste time?
watching movies, painting, reading

3. How clean (or messy) is your room?
its mostly clean just the chair is a mess

4. Favorite outfit to wear?
a white shirt and blue jeans, like a t-hirt, polo, or tank

5. What are you looking forward to?
growing distant from Mike

sorry my answers are sad I gueess they go with my mood.

here I am writing on your wall again like the dork that I am, I dont like being back in the city, nor did i like it at the lake. i only really enjoyed myself when we were [icking berries and i had to think about the berries and not everything else. i also enjoyed being in the movie, since i had to focus on that. i did not like being in st. jacobs and thinking of how close all the other teams are to that one small town. i know i think to much and i am writing too much on your wall and an e-mail would be better but by some small chance your profile is open and he sees that i wrote on your wall maybe he'll come and read the posts below this one and finally get whats going through my head since wednesday night when i shouldnt have sent the message but you cant take them back so i'm stuck not knowing how he took it and not wanting to go to the game tomorrow or tuesday nights after work, which i will go to bc elise and pj will talk me into go, and i'll go and sit there and watch the game and at the end I will get up and leave the park and that will be it for the season, oh how i have little hope in them. and then school will start and his name will sit there on my msn DUB (brb) and we will talk but mindly chit chat about school and work and that is it, and then next spring will come around and he will not come back to the dodgers and some others might not also and there will be new players and old players for me to take their photos and not talk to that much at the games, becasue what do you say to ateam that loses when you're the first person they see when they are out at first?? that i dont know and will never really know i guess. and then that season will end and i'll hopefully have a job and live in the states and everything from the season before will be forgotten and no one will remember that message i sent on facebook, but at least i'll have no what if's or what could have happened thoughts, because i'll know what happened by pretty much telling him i was interested so by him not reply i'll grow a little as a person and take more risks and maybe learn to let things happen without caring about the outcome. and i'll meet that mr. right on the hills of colorado on a bike path where we'll chare our love for peanut butter and be scared that our kids might be allergic to it. and live will go on and soon i'll forget who that cather was kneeling in the first row on the right sied and who all the others in the photo are and the only thing that i might remember is that fun that i had crushing on them and taking the photos and life will go on.

so really this may be long but i kinda feel better now and hope that you can see why. call me. erika